The “Problem Child” in the Workplace: Not Always Who We Think They Are!
Those who’ve worked with me as a coach, or have been in one my workshops, know that I tend to think in terms of “family systems theory.” What this theory suggests is that individuals can’t really be understood in isolation from one another, and that whether we’re talking about families of origin–or groups of people who work together–our behaviors can be understood in relation to the whole system.
There’s a ton that can be said about all of this, but let me just deal briefly with one aspect of how this looks.
The P.C.
Often, a workplace system has someone in it that is identified as the “problem child” (the “P.C.”); the person whose personality or behavior takes an extra measure of patience, tolerance, tooth-gritting on the parts of the other employees. Maybe you’re one of those other employees, and you dread interactions with this person, avoid them during breaks, or are secretly hoping they are looking for a job elsewhere. Maybe you don’t trust them, and you are suspicious of their motives.
You might hear people saying things like, “If P.C. weren’t here, this would be such a great place to work!” Or, “Unless P.C. gets fired, or moved, I’m outta here!”
And hey…let’s be honest…P.C. might really be an incredibly annoying, difficult, seditious, or high maintenance person, and the thought of “promoting them to customer” might feel really good! This can be the stuff of fantasies!
Systemic support
Here’s where family systems theory comes in. Systems theory says that the P.C.’s behavior can’t really be understood as continuing on its own momentum. Systems theory suggests that the only reason it continues is because it is being supported in some way by the system around them (of which you are a part, and in which you may be complicit).
“What?! There’s no way in the world I support P.C.’s behavior,” you might be wanting to retort. I hear you. That’s most likely what I’d say, too, and…by the way…have said several times in years past. However…
The responsibility thing
Every time we talk to someone else about P.C., we participate in supporting their behavior. Every time we blame P.C. for our own unhappiness, we support their behavior. Every time we ask HR, our boss, a co-worker to talk to them for us, we support their behavior. In a very real sense, firing the P.C. without having worked at more personally responsible solutions may give us temporary relief, but is a disservice to the P.C.
The thing is…very few of us have the self-definition to relate honestly, non-anxiously, non-threateningly, and clearly to those whose behaviors the whole system tends to adapt itself. But you can learn to!
And here’s the other thing…sometimes the identified P.C. is the healthiest person in the mix. Huh? Well, think of a group of people who haven’t learned to relate well on a mature level (they engage in gossip, backstabbing, sabotage, blame displacement, etc.), except one person. That one person is honest, straightforward, un-fazed by the group’s rising anxiety, and they call it like they see it without thrashing their co-workers. Talk about a walking, breathing challenge to an unhealthy–but balanced–system! The “identified P.C.” is not necessarily the one that needs the most attention.
